The Passion to my words
by Hanaryme
Summary: Arthur, a big time romance author, has been haunted by his nightmares and struggling with depression. However when his editor claims his new novel is 'lacking emotion' he gives him an extension to his deadline. Can Arthur use this extra time given to find a way to conquer his fears and sorrow whilst managing to rewrite a novel? USUK. Warnings: Smut (5-SHOT)
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys, I'm back with a new story, though I assure you, I'm still planning to update the others (Spontaneous events though, I have no clue, it's not me writing the chapter this time) well anyway, I've been trying to go for a more 'serious' plot, though it should still be USUK. I feel like this one may be easier to write, as I can relate to this one a little more than Study Partners, so I hope you enjoy the first chapter (It's pretty long for my standards, phew) and I would REALLY love it if you gave me all those nice things called reviews, follows and favourites :3**

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I could hear the rain hitting the window as if it were holding a grudge against it for not allowing it in, the wind howling in pain as it shook the trees' branches, shedding their amber leaves. This was always the typical weather in autumn. So dull, dark and grey. I shook my head, trying to remove such depressing thoughts from my mind before re-adjusting my gaze upon the computer screen, the small line blinking in one spot, almost in anticipation, anxious for me to type. I continue to do so, pausing every few seconds to reread what I have written, dissatisfied with what I wrote, I would always rewrite it, until it made me feel what I was intending it to. I drink from my cup, sipping on the now lukewarm tea before setting the cup down, sighing before I resume. I cannot help but to shift my vision towards the window a few more times, noting how empty and depressing the view was, I frown, knowing this is how all my small 'writing sessions' went: I'd write a little, get distracted and stop. I had been single for almost 3 years now, after my ex had left me. Though I do not blame the lass for what she did, after all, I was so absorbed into my work I never left time for us. Three years isn't a very long time really, in contrast to the average lifespan. However, when being single, with very little friends and social interaction, it becomes ever so hard to write romance. It's as if... I had forgotten what love is, and what it does to people. I stood up from my chair, knowing I've done enough writing and thinking for today, even though it has only been 20 minutes or so, I'm just fed up. I spent the rest of the day sitting down, petting my cat, Titch, she was well fed and groomed and got all the attention she wanted, I let out a small chuckle, knowing that I took better care of the cat than I did with myself. As I started to drift off in my chair, the sudden noise of the phone ringing interrupted. I groaned, leaving it for a few seconds, hoping the person at the other end would stop, alas; it appeared that the ringer would not relent. I walked over to the phone, putting it to my ear before saying with little emotion.

"What do you want?" the person just gave a small chuckle, but I soon recognised the very irritable accent, and soon the identity as they replied,

"Well hello to you too, Mon ami..." he spoke; you could hear the joy in his voice. Francis, the owner of such an annoying voice had been my... acquaintance for quite some time, and I have come to learn there is little you can do to break him god damn spirit. "You still have that stick up your ass then, I take it?"

"I do not have a bloody stick up my arse, mind your own business, frog" I retorted, I was not in the mood for him at the moment, but then again... When was I ever in the mood to talk to him?

"Arthur..." he sighed before continuing "Honestly, I have been your friend for a very long time, and you never used to be THIS cold to me, you know, you can always tell me if something is wrong-"

"Nothing is wrong, I assure you. Look, I'm busy at the moment; I'm currently working so if you excuse me." I hung up as soon as the words were said, not waiting for his reply. I let out a long, drawn-out sigh of relief. As much as I appreciated the concern of others, I never wish for pity and I, Arthur Kirkland, was never a man to ask for help, my pride would not allow it, which is at least what I told myself.

**_You're scared, Kirkland. Stop trying to avoid the truth and admit it. You're scared of asking for help, scared of what the others would think..._**

I was too distracted in my own thoughts; it took a few minutes to come to the realisation that I was crying. I gingerly touched my face, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks; I grabbed a tissue from the small coffee table, wiping them away. I retreated to bed, trying to fall asleep as I let the tears fall.

* * *

_"Arthur~" I heard somebody call out, I turned around to look for the origin of the voice, but all I could see was pitch black. "Over here..." I heard them once more, spinning around as rapidly as my body would allow me, but again, there was nothing but the dark._

_"W-Who's there?" I asked cautiously, my best efforts used to hide the fear in my voice. But I received no reply. I could feel a cold chill run down my spine, and fear and doubt took over my mind, I ran as if my life depended on it into the never ending darkness, my lungs felt as if there were ablaze as my legs felt weak as they strode through the unknown. I felt my foot catch onto something, though I couldn't see what, as I fell to the ground, the wind being knocked out of me. Silence surrounded me; it was so quiet I thought I could hear the blood flowing through my veins, and my heart beating as if it were right in my ear. Though through the deathly silence, I could now hear footsteps, rather close at that. "Who is there?!" I demanded to know, my heart was racing. _

_"Nobody is here" I heard them say, but I froze. That was my own voice, though my mouth was not moving. He laughed, as if he could see my reaction. "And nobody will ever be. All those who had cared for you, those who tried to help you are all gone! And why is that, I hear you ask? Perhaps they would still be here if you did not push them away. You yourself have caused this, and now you will spend the rest of your days alone"_

_I let out a whimper. This was not what I had wanted. I started to doubt my own actions, had what I had said to them over the years really pushed them away and forced them to leave me alone in the darkness...Even Francis, Kiku, and Matthew had left me? I felt the tears threatening to return in my emerald eyes. I let out of scream in shock when I had felt two hands grab my neck and-_

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A loud noise was all I heard, I opened my eyes, though I had wondered when I had closed them... And saw the noise was being emanated from my alarm clock, I turned it off, sighing when I realised it was all just a big dream. The first thing I did when I had gotten up was walk to the bathroom, just before I was about the get ready to go into the shower, I had caught a brief glimpse of myself in the mirror, and paused. I saw my hair was sticking to my head, slick with all the cold sweat I must have produced in my sleep and my already pale skin, if possible had gotten paler. I tried to forget about what I had just saw and the dream as I got changed into a set of somewhat smart clothes after my shower. Today was the day I said to myself, as I walked over to my computer, and printed off all the progress I had made on my novel, collected the surprisingly many pages which had been printed, and stapled them together. I grabbed all of the stuff I had required for the day and put them into my satchel, walking out the house once I was ready and drove off in my car to the office.

Walking into the air-conditioned building, I made small talk with the receptionist, Lizzie, before heading to the top floor, where my editor works. I walked to the large glass doors; still a little taken back that I had been able to work with such a big company, though the books I had written were all very successful with the young audience

"Ah, Mr. Kirkland. I assume the novel has been written now, Da?" my editor, Ivan Braginski said, his voice still holding his thick Russian accent.

"Erm, yes..." I said awkwardly, his presence still intimidating me a little, despite how long we have worked with each other. I grabbed my work out of my bag, handing it cautiously to him. He grabs it off me rather suddenly, skimming through the pages quickly. However, he closed the small booklet, looking at me with a rather disappointed expression in his violet eyes.

"Arthur. This is lacking something very important, read through this and see if you can identify what it is" I did as I was told, not wanting to disobey him. Looking through, I frowned a little, not seeing anything wrong with it. "Have you found it, hm?" he asked, I looked up to him, rubbing my neck with my hand awkwardly.

"No sir, I don't think I can quite see what I am lacking in this story"

"Arthur, usually I am excited to read your work, but this..." He sighed "This is lacking emotion, the passion, the actual romance." I looked down, not sure how to reply to this. "Arthur, I will give you only a couple more months more on this consider it an extension to your deadline. When you give it me back, I expect it to be a good as all your other best sellers. Don't disappoint me, Mr. Kirkland. You know what happens to all the sold out authors" he threatened, giving me a very untrusting smile, I nodded quickly, grabbing my work.

"T-Thank you for your generosity, sir. I'll make sure it reaches your expectations..." I mumbled quickly, before escaping the room, even the building in record time.

I pulled out my phone, dialling Kiku's number, when I noticed he answered I spoke in a rushed tone "Ah, Kiku um could we meet up at the usual? Like, in half an hour?"

"Sure, Arthur-kun. Um, If you do not mind me asking, what's the occasion?" he replied, in his normal calm and formal manner.

"You'll find out when you get there, okay got to go now, driving, bye" I hung up as quickly as I did with Francis, stepping into my car, driving to the café where Kiku and I would often hang out and talk, surprisingly, Kiku arrived before me, though I am aware he is very punctual, it is 10 minutes earlier then we agreed. "Oh my, you got here fast" I chuckled, sitting down on the same table as him; he gave me a small nod in response. We ordered our usual, which by now, the staff here knew exactly what it was.

"Arthur-kun, what brought all this up?" he asked.

"Kiku, I've told you before, there's no need to use honorific(s) around me..." I said, taking a sip of my tea.

"Old habits die hard, I suppose..." He said, before murmuring an apology.

"Well, you're already forgiven anyway, back to topic. I went to see Ivan today"

"Ah, did he like what you wrote?"

"Well...Not exactly..." I said, letting out a small but awkward laugh.

"Really? That is a surprise. What was wrong with it, it's rare for you to not get it perfect first time..." He said, with little surprise in his otherwise monotone voice.

"He said...It was lacking emotion. Though I am not quite sure what that meant or how I am meant to deal with it"

"Arthur, you have been appearing more depressed lately... I understand if you don't want to tell me why. But I think you need to go out more often, though that is highly hypocritical of me to say such things. And maybe even see a therapist, they do help a lot..." he offered me a small smile of encouragement

"I-I suppose I could...If that is what you honestly suggest"

"It is." Seeing as both Kiku and Francis now have suggested this, I have been considering if it is worth the trouble to see a therapist. But my mind was quickly decided towards the idea of going, with the small thought of my editor killing me or something like that.

"Then I'll go and book an appointment, thank you, Kiku"

"No problem, it is only something a friend would do."

We continued to drink and eat our orders, making conversation whilst we did so before we said out goodbyes and went our separate ways. When I arrived home, I was welcomed by my cat and I decided I shouldn't bother trying to write anything tonight. Prior to retiring to bed, I made an appointment to the nearest therapist for next week. Before I fell to sleep, memories of my nightmare haunted my mind.

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**I honestly have no clue who the therapist will be, like I already have plans for Alfred. But I'll figure it out, it's cool. I hope you enjoyed that and with any luck I should have this one updated very soon :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm going to personally thank the person who suggested Toris to be the therapist, because it seems to work perfectly with the idea of Feliks being the ****secretary! This chapter is pretty small but it has given me an opportunity to give Arthur some character development**

**EDIT: **I have changed a line of this chapter, due to a review I had gotten, and I am sorry! .

**Hope you enjoy~ :3**

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I looked at the rather large modern building before me, _is this really the place?_ I pondered, hesitant to go in, fearing this isn't the right place or that people will judge me for having to see a therapist. I once again, looked at my watch: 2pm. Right on time, I suppose, stepping in, I stared at the interior in awe. This place was as huge on the inside as it was on the outside. I started to walk towards the desk, occupied by a young girl...wait no, boy?

"-So then I was like, that was so totally rude. I mean that was like really rude, right?" He turned his head, giving me a small nod before continuing his conversation. "Anyways, like, there's this guy here so I gotta hang up now...Yeah, he's kinda cute...Alright, so I'll totally call you back in a minute, bye!" he hung up almost immediately after saying bye.

"Erm hello, this is Kirkland...Arthur." I said awkwardly, rubbing the back of my neck.

"Oh yeah! You're like that author, right?" I nodded in response. "Oh my gosh, your last book was absolutely amazing, like really amazing...Oh right, yeah, you're here for an appointment, aren't you?"

"Yes, I am." I replied, it was always nice to be appreciated for the work you do.

"Right, okay." He picks up the office phone "Hey, Tori~ that author I mentioned is here, okay, I'll send him in!" He stood up from his chair, and I was a little taken back to find that he was wearing a skirt. "So, his office is like this way" he gestured as he started advancing to the door, he opened it, revealing a perfectly clean office, and I was instantly welcomed with a warm smile as I entered the room.

"Ah, hello, Mr. Kirkland. Come in and sit down next to me" he offered, he held an unusual accent I was not familiar with, Lithuanian perhaps? The receptionist soon left, but not without winking at the other, causing him to blush. "Right, I suppose we shall start with introductions, yes? I'm Toris Laurinaitis, but for these sessions just call me Toris" he seemed nice. I didn't know what I expected at first...

"I'm Arthur, nice to meet you" I offered my hand to him, to which he shook it.

"Likewise. Well, from what you had told me you have been lacking inspiration lately for your novel and have been suffering from nightmares, is that correct?" I simply nodded and allowed him to continue "Would you be so kind as to tell me what occurs within your nightmares?" he asks, and I begin to frown.

"W-Well...It's always pitch black in my dreams and I can't see anything and I-I'm usually being chased..." I pause, not failing to notice the fact he's writing this down.

"By whom?" he asks, raising an eyebrow.

"M-Myself...And I'm..." I take a deep breath in. "Saying that I'll be alone and nobody will ever be there for me...B-Because...They'll all leave me" I swallow, feeling tears threaten to fall in my eyes.

"Ah, I see... If you don't mind, can I ask some questions about your past?" he asks politely, handing me a tissue.

"Okay..." I nod, wiping my eyes.

"Very well, have you had a close relationship with your parents?"

"No...M-My father left when I was but a child and my mother had nothing to do with me if she could help it, she only cared about my brothers" Toris nods, frowning a little.

"Right, what about your brothers?"

"They constantly bullied me, blaming me for the f-fact our father—" I start to cry, and Toris walks over, and pats my back, hushing me like a child. If there was a few things I hated, one of them was certainly pity, I push him away, causing him to gasp a little but as if he understands, he goes to sit back down.

"Arthur...Have you had many relationships?"

"J-Just one...But she left me...I was too absorbed into my work and she just lost her appeal in me and left me for another"

"I see...Arthur, what I think is the cause of all the nightmares and the lack of inspiration is the fact you are lonely, you may have friends however what you need is a romantic relationship, somebody who is close to you because what I'm seeing is that you most likely have trust issues and you have developed into a... introvert over the years and I believe you'll get better after going out more. You're lucky this is fairly easy to deal with, no medication, no regular appointments"

"But, Toris... I-I've never been the best at meeting people..."

"I don't do this for my patients usually, however, I believe I can help you with that." My eyes widen a little as I urge him to continue "A friend of mine has recently decided to move here, and because of being new, he'll need some new friends and company, if you do not mind, I would appreciate it very much if you would allow him to stay over at your home until he finds his own place"

"T-That sounds all great and all, but...we were on about romantic relationships..."

"Exactly"

"I'm not gay-"

"At least consider letting him stay for a while, Mr. Kirkland." I opened my mouth to protest but I decided against it.

"I suppose a new friend wouldn't hurt..." I gave in, Toris grinned.

"Excellent! That's absolutely wonderful, would you meet with me at the clock in town tomorrow at 1?" I frowned, it seemed a bit too soon, but I nodded like the idiot I am regardless. "Right, please do be kind to him, he pretty much saved me and I owe him from a few years back. He is a really nice guy, really handsome too~" He teased.

"Alright, I suppose I'll clean up tonight..." I stand up, walking towards the door to leave.

"Okay, I'll see you tomorrow, Arthur." He smiled

"Yes...Thank you, Toris" I nod.

"No problem, it is my job..." I walk out of the building, heading home, stressed. I'll probably have to spend the whole night cleaning for this chap, and I don't even bloody know his name. Looks like this will be a long night...

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**Alfred will be introduced next chapter, I'll probably get it out soon to make up for the fact this chapter was pretty small.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey guys, third chapter is up, this is pretty long for me, and I'm not going to bore you with any excuse as to why it is so late. So here it is enjoy :)**

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Third Person

"Well, that was tedious" Arthur said to himself as he began to pack away his cleaning utensils and whatnot. He wiped his forehead with his jumper sleeve, checking the time as he does so. Little did he know that in 15 minutes he was about to meet the guy who would change his whole perspective on life. Arthur changed into the best clothes he could find, preferably ones without blood stains on the sleeves or ones that would make him look like an "old man" despite him being only 23. Once he was satisfied with a pair of skinny jeans he doesn't even remember buying and a plain white shirt along with a waist coat, he got changed into them and decided to look into the mirror.

_Bony, ugly, weak fragile thing, aren't you? No wonder your ex left you~_

Arthur winced a little, trying to ignore the nagging and insulting voices. I'm not crazy he repeated in his head as he tried to think positively about his appearance. Eventually, he left the house, only taking about 5-10 minutes to arrive at the said meeting spot. He was greeted by Toris.

"Ah Mr. Kirkland, you made it!" Toris smiled gratefully, shaking Arthur's hand, and he returning the gesture.

"Oh please, it's Arthur..." The Brit forced a smile, but he realised they were alone "Where is that guy you had mentioned?" he asked curiously, to which Toris chuckled a little.

"Eager to meet him I see... Well, he is currently in that shop over there, getting a few things in preparation." Toris explained briefly, and Arthur nodded in response. They waited in almost awkward silence, Arthur tried to make conversation with Toris as they waited, however, it never really went far.

"Oh boy...Sorry about that dude, I was trying to buy some stuff but there was like this HUGE queue and well, there was this old lady behind me and being the heroic and nice guy I am I let her in front of—" The stranger paused, taking a quick glance in Arthur's direction, and gave him a dashing grin "Is this the guy, Toris?!" The loud-mouthed man asked, and Toris nodded in reply.

"Yes, this is Arthur, he's an author and he will be the guy who will accommodate you, is that alright?" Toris spoke, his quiet and polite attitude greatly contrasting with the stranger's loud and energetic one, Arthur wondered how these two could possibly be good friends.

"Awesome~ I'm Alfred, nice to meet ya'!" Alfred waved, grinning at the Brit once more. Arthur couldn't help but notice how...amazing his future roommate looked, his tan skin was not too dark but complimented his golden blonde hair and striking cerulean eyes, Arthur did not miss the fact the boy had a wonderfully toned body, which was probably even better if he took his clothes... Arthur stopped his thought whilst he was ahead, he was definitely uncertain as to where those thoughts had came from but he knew he didn't want to go any further in those and he simply replied.

"Arthur. Arthur Kirkland." The Brit said, snapping out of his little day dreams. The American looked a little surprised.

"Dude, you're English?!" He exclaimed, looked rather happy about that fact. All Arthur could do was nod. "That's sweet, so when we going to your place?"

"Well, you two could go now I suppose. I'll be taking my leave now anyway. I'll check up with you, Arthur, next week." Toris commented, saying his goodbyes and walking away. Arthur was a little nervous and didn't know what to say, so he simply started to walk towards his car and Alfred followed almost obediently.

"Wow, you're quiet aren't ya?" The American observed. "Oh well, I guess it gives me time to talk about myself so you know me better. Alfred F Jones is my whole name, born in Washington with my dad and mom, but I left when I was 16 cause they're lame and kicked me out, it didn't stop me though, I turned out awesome anyways" The American told Arthur, the Brit felt a little bad and stopped the American's speech and gave him a little information of his own.

"I was born in London with my other brothers, it was a bloody pain to deal with so when I was 18 I moved over here and started to write while going to college and the next thing I knew my book was a best seller and the public started to demand more..." Arthur opened the door for Alfred, and the American thanked him gratefully as Arthur stepped into the driver's side and started up the car. They drove in unbearable and complete silence, Arthur was certain if the journey was any longer, he'd probably scream. Once it was luckily over they entered his house.

"Wow, this place is cool...Where am I crashing?!" The American asked, practically throwing his bag across the floor.

"You shall be sleeping in my guest room, which is upstairs 2nd door to the right..." Arthur replied. "Well, you can go explore the house if you like, I've got some work to do in my office, you can go into any room but the first door on the left, that is MY room and you are absolutely not allowed in there, understood?"

"Y-Yeah...Got it." The American gulped, Arthur's change in attitude intimidating him a little, but within seconds Arthur somehow vanished, and Alfred just guessed he had left to work and so he started to explore a little.

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Alfred's PoV

This place was much larger than I expected, just how much money does this guy have? I looked around in the kitchen and opened the fridge praying there was some meat or shit in there. "Nothing..." I sighed, closing the fridge, and noticing the only food here was a few pieces of fruit. Which means there's still no food, maybe Arthur had needed to go shopping? I thought, assuming that was the case. I did wonder for a moment as to why Arthur had forbidden me from his room, was there some treasure or dark secret in there? The more I had pondered on the possibilities the larger the temptation of sneaking in was. I walked upstairs, checking several rooms, including mine, which was also huge by the way. Before I passed his room once more, I couldn't help myself as to slowly open the door, making as little noise as possible as I did so. The room looked perfectly normal to me: A double bed, drawers and a closet...with a padlock on? I instantly wanted to find the key and find out what was inside. Looking several places within the room, I found the key under his pillow, chuckling, amused by the fact it was in such an obvious place as I unlocked the lock and slowly slid the doors open.

There were several boxes at the bottom shelf, I scanned through his clothing, his style was pretty weird though, kinda looked like a 60 year old chose those clothes. However, my inspecting was put to a halt noticing one more box which stood out from the rest. It was small and black and was on the top shelf, almost as if he wanted to hide it. Naturally, being the obviously curious person I am, I went to grab the box and opened it up. My heart sank a little when I saw it was a pile of letters and reading them, apparently they were from this girl, Michelle who apparently was his girlfriend. For some reason I felt really sad to find out Arthur was straight, even though I just met the guy. Though it was expected I suppose, I mean the guy is pretty hot, his hair was a little messy, but that was probably intentional and he has the most amazing shade of green eyes I have ever seen, and I'm not even ashamed nor regretting noticing how tight his ass was. And I knew from a single glance of that face that I would like to see many emotions emitted through it: happiness, jealousy...arousal and lust...But back from my thoughts, there were several photos of them together, and it was the first time I had saw Arthur smile, he was beautiful, and looked so happy with **_her._** What I had discovered next came to me as a big surprise mixed with pity and sorrow. Blades. Tons of blades and small knives, wrapped in a small piece of fabric and I knew for a fact that the blood that stained the rag was fairly fresh and was not from anybody else but him. Wanting to do the right thing, I quickly snatched the blades from his box and shoved them in my pocket; placing the box right where it was and leaving the room...

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Third Person

Arthur had come out of this study a few hours later, and saw Alfred on the settee, watching some cartoon. He wasn't sure of what the American would like to eat, so he asked.

"Alfred, would you like me to order pizza?" Arthur asked politely, waving his phone in his hand, the American cheered a little and beamed.

"Oh yeah! Can we get a meat feast?" Alfred jumped excitedly, Arthur chuckled a little nodding as he phoned the place ordering a large pizza to be delivered. Arthur told Alfred it would be about 30 minutes till it came and the American pouted a little. They began to watch TV together to pass the time, Arthur noticing just how close Alfred was, almost feeling his body heat. They both jumped a little when they heard the door bell, and Arthur stood up to get it.

"I'll be just a minute..." Arthur smiled, as he walked to the door, but his smile soon vanished when he opened it and saw who it was. "M-Michelle?..." He asked in a weak voice.

"Yeah, Arthur, it's me" Michelle gave Arthur a small sad smile.

Meanwhile, Alfred sat on the settee and started to worry, Arthur shouldn't have been gone for this long, and so the American stood up and walked towards the door, however hiding behind a corner to listen in.

"—I know that I had left you and just walked off with another guy but please, Arthur, can we get back together, we can be just like we used to be, you know? And we can be happy again, how about that?" he heard this girl say, Alfred felt a little peeved, just who does this girl think she is?

"But Michelle—" He heard Arthur say and for Alfred it was the last straw, he knew this would only mean trouble and from seeing those blades he knew that she brought him suffering and she was going to pay for it. The American was fully aware they only met today, but he knew already he was interested in Arthur and he wasn't about to let some **bitch** ruin his chances, he stormed up to the door, Michelle being a little shocked as Alfred wrapped his arm around Arthur's waist rapidly and kissed him suddenly and roughly on the lips, Arthur was about the same, perhaps even more shocked of what just happened, and his face turned a bright crimson as he covered his face with his hands.

"He's mine. Back off, bitch, before I make you" Alfred growled in a very deep and commanding voice to which Michelle knew better than to rebel, and she quickly took her leave, leaving Alfred to slam the door shut. "Arthur?" He asked cautiously, looking at the Brit, a little guilty.

"W-Why did you do that?" He said in a small voice, his face still vivid with colour. Alfred couldn't bring himself to tell him the truth.

"I knew that girl would be trouble, so I just wanted to help..." The American lied smoothly, hugging the Brit softly, whispering a small apology.

"I-It's fine..." Arthur said, walking back to the settee, and they began to watch TV in silence, until the door rung again, Alfred getting it, and coming back with pizza.

"Still hungry?" The American tried to flash a grin, trying to cheer Arthur up. Arthur gave him a small smile.

"I suppose so..."

* * *

After they ate their pizza, Alfred eating almost all the pizza whilst Arthur only ate a single slice, which worried the American a bit. Arthur let out a small yawn, showing clear signs that he was tired.

"Thanks for letting me stay here, Arthur" Alfred said, smiling as per usual.

"No." The Brit paused, his face turning a little pink as he quickly pecked Alfred's cheek "Thank you...F-For earlier...I-I appreciate it." And in a heartbeat he walked rather quickly upstairs and retired to his room. Alfred placed his hand where Arthur had kissed him, now grinning happily. Maybe there was a chance of being with Arthur.

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**This may have been a little fast, but oh well. I like Michelle so I wanted her to be part of the story, plus I like the idea of Alfred being really possessive when he is jealous. Two more chapters to go, expect more development! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hey guys, finally here is the 4th chapter of this story meaning the final one is yet to go! I've adapted back into the routine of school, and the stress and fatigue haven't hit me as bad as they had the first half term, so I will have more time to write and draw and all things I actually like to do.**

**Sorry for the delay but I hope you enjoy this regardless.**

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Arthur let out a shaky breath, pacing the room with much haste, he knew how much he felt like he needed it, he needed his release; no matter how much he had tried in the past to stop his pathetic habits, he knew he depended on this. He cursed under his breath, his hand moving to wipe the slowly falling sweet tears falling from his emerald face. He began to walk towards the box he had kept his stash, however interrupted by a shout.

"Artie~! You promised to take me around town, hurry up!" His new annoying American roommate whined, stomping around. Arthur froze for a moment, fixing his composure and wiping his face with his cloth, and went down stairs. "Dude, about time..." Alfred sighed of relief.

"You're just plain impatient, git..." The Brit commented, heading towards the door, though without warning, his wrist was grabbed roughly, Arthur winced a little. "W-What are you bloody doing?!"

"Arthur..." Alfred looked at him with concern, Arthur never expected Alfred to have known, or guessed what he said next. "Look, if you ever want somebody to talk to you I'm here for you, you don't need to do it on your own..."

Arthur smiled at Alfred, letting out a small forced chuckle "Thank you, though I am fine for now." He could tell that the American hadn't believed him, but was pleased to find out he wasn't about to be questioned, as they made their way to town in silence. The two began to make small chat in between sights, and the emerald-eyed man honestly began to enjoy himself, laughing at Alfred's attempts of making jokes, only to make a fool out of himself.

"Hey, can we go into Starbucks? I could really go for a coffee right now..." Alfred asked in the most polite manner he could, Arthur frowned in disgust.

"I'd rather not; I'm not fond of coffee or the scent of it..." Arthur replied, the American pouted.

"Dude, please! I'll buy you tea..." Alfred attempted to bargain, shaking a few notes in the air. Reluctantly, Arthur gave in nodding.

"Very well, but I'm only allowing this because I'm rather thirsty myself." The Brit huffed. Walking towards the coffee franchise, Alfred cheered in victory, pulling the Englishman into a hug.

"Thank you!" The American grinned; Arthur blushed faintly in response, walking in silence.

When they entered the franchise, Alfred had ordered their drinks and once collected, they sat down at a small table and drunk in almost silence, for a while.

"So Artie, what do you write?" Alfred asked, sipping his coffee. Arthur looked momentarily offended for Alfred not recognising how big his name was within modern literature.

"Well, I write romance..." Arthur replied. Alfred chuckled "What's so funny, git?"

"Isn't romance more of a girl-genre?" The American grinned teasingly; Arthur went red in both anger and embarrassment.

"N-No! There are plenty of male authors within this genre. And my editor seems fond of my work—"

"Da, that is true." Ivan interrupted, appearing out of nowhere, Arthur yelped in surprise.

"M-Mr. Braginski?!" Arthur chocked out, "When did you get here?"

"Please, call me Ivan..." The silver haired man sighed, still smiling. "I just got here a moment ago, though I saw you so I thought I should ask you how your novel was going but it appears you're occupied with Mr. Jones here..." Arthur nodded for a moment, though he was surprised to hear 'Jones' come out of his mouth, did he know Alfred? The Brit turned to face the blond, though was met with a pure pale face, almost stone like from overwhelming fear.

"Alfred?" Arthur waved his hand in front of his face, the American shaking his head.

"S-Sorry dude, I was spacing out a little" He offered a small smile to the Englishman. Arthur pondered for a second, but decided not to question further.

"Da, well, I hope it's ready soon, Arthur. Good bye for now." His child like smile still stuck to his face, before turning his head towards Alfred. "Goodbye, Pyatachok" he chuckled, moving in to kiss Alfred briefly on the lips before walking away. A storm was brewing within Arthur, never had he felt so...Heartbroken and frustrated.

"Well that was random..." Alfred chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Indeed" Arthur replied curtly. They finished their coffee and tea and walked out of the business, getting in the car, despite Alfred's complaints. Arthur just wanted to go home.

* * *

Upon entering the house, Arthur dashed to his room, almost roaring in frustration and anger. Are they together? Did Alfred have a history with Ivan? ...Did he love him? He knew truly now, he needed to do it. He went into the box he had kept secret from everybody, searching desperately, his tears no longer contained and falling again freely from his eyes. They were not in there. Arthur paled, somebody must have taken them. Francis? Kiku? Perhaps even... Alfred.

In a frantic attempt, Arthur ran down the stairs, not caring about the tears.

"Alfred!" He cried, wiping his face.

"Arthur..." He breathed, looking at him with eyes full of... pity.

"I-I've lost something and I was wondering—"

"Oh. Was it these?" Alfred looked at him disappointedly, lifting several blades in his hand. Arthur sniffed, walking up to him, going to take them off him; Alfred in turn moved to the bin and threw them away. "Arthur, I told you to talk to me..." He shook his head. The Brit fell to his knees, crying.

"I...I cannot, Alfred." He sobbed; Alfred approached him embracing him once more.

"Was it Ivan?" The American whispered, Arthur nodded weakly in response. "Look, I understand writing the book causes a lot of pressure but—"

"No! That's not it!" Arthur cried, leaning on the younger's shoulders. "A-Are you together?"

"Artie..." Alfred chuckled "No...Of course we aren't."

"Then what was with that nickname?!" The Brit questioned him.

"Look, when I was in high school, he was in the same class as I was. I used to be pretty chubby, so he called me piglet" Alfred explained, but he knew it was not enough. "He used to have a crush on me apparently, according to rumours. I don't know why he kissed me today...Are you jealous, Artie?" The Brit shook his head vigorously in denial, to which Alfred laughed. He cupped Arthur's wet cheek in his hand, smiling at him with genuine affection.

"Good, because you should know I'm only interested in you, Arthur Kirkland." He leaned in, kissing Arthur passionately on the lips, he didn't expect it but, Arthur returned, Alfred began to smile into the kiss, picking up the Brit and placing him on the settee, though breaking the kiss.

"A-Alfred..." Arthur sighed.

"Shh." The American hushed him, kissing his forehead. "Mr. Kirkland, will you do me the honours of being my boyfriend?"The Englishman's eyes widened, before he gave Alfred a teary smile.

"O-Of course..." He blushed weakly, Alfred laughed in joy, his lips moving back to join Arthur's...

* * *

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